Sunday, July 26, 2009

A potluck, a picnic, a mowed yard 7/26

I am surrounded by people I've never met before doing me kindnesses. My next door neighbors and their next door neighbors must have spent the whole day mowing our yard and cleaning up our landscaping and planting things. Had a good lunch at Rick's church. Had a good barbecue at some 12-step friends' house. Got to visit with Linnea and Twyla and a cousin.

I'm experiencing what I call a "walking loneliness." I'm going from thing to thing, place to place throughout the day, wanting to be near others who care but not wanting to talk too much. Tonight, I stood in front of our house in the sunset light and remembered how much joy we had, how proud we were, one year ago when we bought it. Had a good cry on the front porch steps in the evening sunlight. Neighbors Ruth and Gary came by and gave me some encouragement.

I find myself pulling deeply inward, wanting to curl up. Maybe this is okay. I want to take care not to treat loneliness by isolating myself though, something I've been taught to guard against.

Chuck has been quite animated today and quite alert. He has been raising both knees and rocking them vigorously side to side. I tell him to find whatever he can move and really practice it. I hope that's what he's doing. Movement is good. Linnea gave him an excellent foot and arm massage earlier and his eyes seemed to be focusing on the pictures she showed him.

Daily, slow progress. I have meetings with bankers and lawyers tomorrow. Many phone calls to make and take. And Chuck is being moved to his new facility. I'm grateful that Shelley will be here to guard and oversee his transition.

Had a nice phone chat with old college friend Scott Walley then answered the door to neighbors bearing fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies and offers of help.


  1. Dearest Auburn,
    Even as you and all those who love Chuck continue to be there to hold things together,to be strong and to have faith I think you are also all in a parallel process with Chuck. You are learning to move and regain consciousness; struggling to feel again and exercising the pieces of yourselves that were deeply injured by all that has happened. There is a newness to this life now that doesn't always feel altogether welcome. And it is LIFE. Please be gentle with yourself- even when you go inward- there is great strength there. supporting from afar...

  2. Pearl,
    What a beautiful insight. I felt loved and seen and known. Made me cry the kind of tears that come when someone speaks exactly to your heart with love and wisdom.